“There is something sustaining in the very agitation that accompanies the first shocks of trouble, just as an acute pain is often a stimulus, and produces an excitement which is transient strength. It is in the slow, changed life that follows—in the time when sorrow has become stale, and has no longer an emotive intensity that counteracts its pain—in the time when day follows day in dull unexpectant sameness, and trial is a dreary routine—it is then that despair threatens; it is then that the peremptory hunger of the soul is felt, and eye and ear are strained after some unlearned secret of our existence, which shall give to endurance the nature of satisfaction.”
― George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss
"Most bad,” the host concluded. “If you ask me, something sinister lurks in men who avoid wine, games, the company of lovely women, and dinnertime conversation. Such people are either gravely ill or secretly detest everyone around them.”
#the master and margarita
― Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita"
"Provincial idyll can quite easily allow room for pen-scratchings. But words on a page have a power over their creator , a power so firmly established that it takes a long while for it to even be identified. This is no dictatorship , this is a dangerous form of divine right. As soon as you write something down you give it wings , you serve it on a platter to the imagination , and the imagination distorts and decorates as it sees fit."
”Vulgar details about the future are only vulgar because they force you to glare at what’s uncertain, what’s problematic , what can quite easily be described as the corrupt laws that govern the universe.”
Desire is incapable of hypocrisy. A dramatic accusation perhaps , but not one so easily dismissed. Desire , it is said , is the original anarchist and undercover agent. Our petty human natures, with their compound of drives and desires seek to reign over us with an iron fist. But with post-modernism came cynicism (a new measure of intelligence as it were) and a cold , numbing sort of logic settled itself rather uncomfortably into the picture.So by now, Inevitably all questions are answered by two ideologies. The ‘pathetic’ human notions of acting on impulse or the firm and unquestionable logic of the modern rational individual. There’s quite a poetic divide here and the opinions on this are varied and widespread. Arguably , several people seem to think that one is just as dangerous as the other. Whilst primitive instincts or whims may soothe us to some extent , we also have a responsibility to believe in consequences. Once consequences come into the picture our thought trickles rather naturally to logic , that is , acting as circumstances would dictate. What then , beg the romanticists , makes us different from robotic machines ?
I’ll tell you what makes us different , the fact that robots are programmed a certain way and are predictable 100% of the time. The argument of the ‘stunning hammer-blows of conditioning’ does hold ground , but not completely. Yes , there are strict limitations in place because of society , but we haven’t reached Huxley’s test-tube baby world just yet. You may not be able to overcome the corrupt laws that govern the universe , but you can take charge of simple things like sleeping at 3am , or eating chocolate instead of cabbage , or even smiling instead of scowling. There doesn’t have to be a black and white divide of nihilism vs existentialism because in reality we’re all in the uncertain grey area. It is possible to be a cautious , rational individual without being branded as a boring,cold,empty shell of a human being.
'everyone is a little bit judgmental and don’t try to tell me otherwise. we can’t help it. but that being said, i’m just a small baby. and we are all just small babies. and we grow at different rates and learn at different times and understand the world subjectively, through a lens that no one else will understand. we’ve all experienced our own little hells and our own little heavens. who am i to think myself better than anybody else? i will never know their whole story and they won’t know mine. i like to believe that people are innately good. the circumstances of their lives just change them, give them rougher edges or softer hearts. but no one’s better than another. i had better conversations with homeless people than i have had with some of the people i admire the most. '
'Pajamas and chocolate may go well together
but so do strands of inky black hair
curled up on your sweater
and so does this terror
this rippling Golden terror with its waves
if love were a gushing torrent
it should be allowed to flow to
but one does not simply
throw their hands up and flee
at even the merest hint of confusion
for it is a duel ; one dark and twisted waltz
with the tender ghosts of yourself
so that is why i tell you to surrender
why the words roll of my tongue
dripping like honey ; a swift manipulation
you yield and pour and love without pretensions
But I get so small
we’re such puny little things
feathery and hollow-boned ; fuck off honesty
says the day to the night
leave me be , begs stability
i know that tolerance became a habit
but you exploded stars in-front of my eyes
and i can only take so much beauty
beauty that i swore was nothing to do with truth ‘
“Just because two people are capable of deeply hurting each other over and over again does not make them passionate, star-crossed lovers. It makes them two people who keep doing terrible things to each other. Someone’s ability to make you completely and utterly soul-crushingly miserable does not mean they are a soul mate with some deep insight into your psyche. They are just someone who is really good at making you unhappy.”